Here's to Someday

I dreamt about you last night.... I thought to text you, but stared at your contact info and was too scared. What could I say? I guess all I can do is hope that you'll  see this someday....

When I tell you I'm okay...

I'm actually dying inside.

Subtle Love

The most subtle of loves is what I have come to yearn for.
The kind of love that you have brought me....

The kind that doesn't need to be declared for the entire world to see. The kind of love that is shown in the little gestures. A simple smile shared in secret, a sweet kiss on the cheek.

This I find to be most delicate and pure.

Dear Old Friend

You will always hold a special place in my heart.
You deserve overwhelming love and happiness in your life. You are an amazingly kind and thoughtful friend.

I hope that you know, I'm not going anywhere...

I'm Back!

A sense of relief is dawning on me, I need to face the things that haunt me. I need to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin.

Someone that I care about recently reached out to me and helped me get my spark back.
The one thing that has always aided my thoughts, emotions and feelings...
My writing.

Without it, I've felt expressionless and lost.
But with it I feel a sense of clarity.
I feel like I'm getting back to a good place...

I Forgive You

The past couple of months have been a mixture of laughs and inconsolable tears. The saying "Blood, sweat and tears", doesn't even come close to describing what I've had to deal with.

How do you recover when a loved one leaves you?
When someone you have known all your life, from the day you were born, calls you a failure...
All I want to say to you is that I hate you but I know that's not true. I know that the only reason this hurts is because I love you so much.

And it's because I love you that this pain will never completely subside. But I guess at the end of the day you have to do what's best for you.

I forgive you, because I know I'm not a failure or a puppet and one day soon I will be successful and nothing you say will ever hurt me again!

Always you

No matter how good or bad my day is. My final thoughts, always drift back to you.

No Regrets

Even though the outcome was not what I expected or wanted, I'm glad I took a chance. I'm tired of hiding how I feel from the world.

I'm Tired...

Enough is Enough. I'm tired of thinking about you. I'm tired of missing you . I'm tired of seeing you in everything I do . I've loved you for as long as I remember. It's all I know anymore...

Foolish Notions

I have no idea why or how I got to this place, I cannot even recall the exact time I started this crazy notion.. All I know is that it was sudden and took me completely by surprise...I know now that I need to forget about this and pretend like this entire thing was a bad dream, I should relish in the fact that I realised this before I made a fool of myself.

Always and Forever

I will love you till the day I die.

Always on my Mind.

These feelings I have for you are so strange. It caught me completely off guard and I now find myself constantly thinking of you. I know it might seem crazy and a little insane.... But then again, where's the fun in being normal..

Darkness

Darkness is hovering over me like a plague. The light and warmth that once surrounded me has diminished. I keep searching for a way back into the light but it seems so hopeless. Soon darkness and I will become the best of friends...

Why...

Why can't I just have what I want.
Why does it have to be complicated.
Why does it have to feel as if my soul was ripped out of me and torn into a million pieces.
Am I not allowed to be happy?
Am I not allowed to feel loved?
Do I not deserve it...

When All Your Dreams Come True.

The moment when all your dreams come true,  who do you want standing next to you?  Through your darkest hour, through your brightest day.   There's always one person that could make  your day that much brighter, to be that flicker of hope through the darkness.

Meeting that person is truly a gift,  a gift like no other.  It's like opening your eyes for the first time and taking in the intensity of the world,  full of hope and wonder.

When it's gone,  it's the worst kind of pain.  Loneliness and dispair become your closest friends. 

Hold it dear forever, everyday, every hour, every second.  Because it hurts like hell once it's gone.

Just a random Love letter...

I hate this... You took my heart, when it was hurting and showed me love. We spent hours on end just talking, arguing and laughing. You repaired me, made me feel whole again and made me receptive to the changes taking place in my life. I felt safe and secure with you. You taught me that true love doesnt mean we don't fight or disagree, but rather it's two people that stay true to themselves as well as learning to accept the other person for who they are.

Through all the changes that have occured in the past couple of years, you held my hand and stood by me through it all. You showed me how to love again and made me fearless to the unknown. You showed me reason, when every sense of reason had left me...

I adore you... Thank you for teaching me how to love again, especially how to love myself again...

How are we still in the same place after all these years?

Just A Thought

Sometimes you make me feel like an object, a possesion, something you use and can discard till you need me again... If you ever need me again. Will I ever be good enough to be more than just a secret?

Helplessness

So tired of feeling this way.  One minute I think everything is going great and I'm happy and the next I feel this void in my life.  It makes me wonder how much longer this will last for. This downward spiral has me gripping on straws from my past, hoping for some clarity as to when this all started. 

Time For A Change

Sometimes wanting something completely different to what you are used to can be a good thing. Sometimes you just feel that way because memories cannot keep holding on forever.  No matter how many or how intense or how vivid those memories may be. You cannot let every opportunity or every new person, in your life,  slip away because you are too afraid to move on.