Just A Thought

Sometimes you make me feel like an object, a possesion, something you use and can discard till you need me again... If you ever need me again. Will I ever be good enough to be more than just a secret?

Helplessness

So tired of feeling this way.  One minute I think everything is going great and I'm happy and the next I feel this void in my life.  It makes me wonder how much longer this will last for. This downward spiral has me gripping on straws from my past, hoping for some clarity as to when this all started. 

Time For A Change

Sometimes wanting something completely different to what you are used to can be a good thing. Sometimes you just feel that way because memories cannot keep holding on forever.  No matter how many or how intense or how vivid those memories may be. You cannot let every opportunity or every new person, in your life,  slip away because you are too afraid to move on.

Starless Sky

Thinking about the past, has me thinking and dreaming about how things would have been, had I not been afraid to stand up for how I felt at that moment.  The feelings might have been fleeting but they were there. They came at me with such a force I was stunned for a long time. It felt as if time had stood still and all that mattered was us in that moment, under the nights starless sky. Enveloped in the darkness we were scared but excited, all of this still new to us. I knew in that moment this could be the real thing. Who knows it might still be...

I'm Ready!

Wow things have definitely changed. I'm not the same insecure person I was before. Being here has taught me how to be tough and assertive and it has shown me that I can make it in anything I work hard at. This is the motivation that i've needed for so long. Now I can't wait for what comes next... I'm ready!

OTH

Magic in the little things

My mind races to a million different memories when I think of you...And I'll cherish each and every memory for the rest of my existence. There's so much wonder and magic in even the tinniest of memories. 

Just How I Feel

It's not that I cannot survive without you. It's that I love spending most of my time with you. The truth is I'm the happiest when you are around.

Scattered

Lately I've been checking my blog, wanting to post something, but having nothing to say. I keep thinking this is because I'm content and happy...

Today reality hit me hard!
I'm numb!

This past year has gone by, I've met so many new people, yet it feels like I have nobody. The people I consider my closest friends, I barely speak to and I'm to BLAME! I'm so caught up in everyday life that I have completely lost sight of myself! I go to work, come home,  download stuff that have no real substance, sleep, study, sleep some-more and repeat day after day... I have no idea how to get out of this rut that I'm currently in. I don't know how to fix and mend all the relationships I've allowed to crumble.

I think that I've pushed them away because I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed of the direction my life is heading in... I'm afraid to admit that I'm terrified of what to expect in the next couple of years.  I'm afraid that I'm just not good enough for any of them. I feel shattered, pieces of me are scattered and I have no idea how to put all the pieces back together. I don't even know where to begin!

It's time to look passed all the negative in our lives and start looking towards the tiny joys that we all experience every day.  Everyone gets blue, we just need to learn how to "roll with the punches" and move on... If we dwell on all the bad, we miss out on the truly unexpected and magical moments. 

Imperfection is Perfection

The shower turned on, steam started filling the room. I sat on the edge of your bed, you had left the bathroom door open so we could talk while I waited for you... I've known you for years but this was only our 3rd date and it wasn't going as planned.  You were a little late, I was moody from a long day. I kept thinking that the perfect night we had spent hours planning, was ruined...  Only later on did I realise that the imperfections are what made it uniquely perfect. The small caring gestures and secret moments that we share are the most special; like your hand on my back when I'm stressed or anxious... It soothes me. Your concern and worry, comforts and protects me. The love that you radiate warms my soul..  

Give Me Love

The song that got me hooked on Ed Sheeran

Waiting

The sun kissed my skin as I lazily looked up at you...  You were already smiling down at me, the heat I felt intensified.  Just then a cool breeze swept over me, droplets of water lingered in the air making me gasp.  It's cool touch melted away and I looked up; you were gone...  I looked everywhere but you were nowhere.  All I was left with were beautiful memories...  Memories and dreams that will keep me waiting for the day you return.

ALONE

I like being left alone! I actually prefer it. Being alone is so much easier than having to wear a mask. No one sees who I really am, and at times I barely recognise myself...